Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Hawking Honor
Tomorrow Stephen Hawking gets another award this time it has flown on the space shuttle along with his photo. That is so freaking cool! I read "A Brief History of Time" a few years ago and the man deserves as many honors as we can give him.
I hope the duct tape (click image and look top left) on the shuttle hatch keeps matters from getting worse.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Church Revisited
God's eye view of my old churchThe past two days have been a bit odd for me. I have been working on Market Square Mall for the kick-off of the Christmas in the City. I have been there fourteen hours each day. Me and my bosses boss have been working this event and getting to know each other. That has been great as he is a very dynamic conversationalist, and the time passes quickly. Our duties there are to set up power drops for the event, manage and solve problems, then take it all down. So, there is time to kill between problems. The time killing brings me to the meat and taters of this post.
As my days there waned, I kept seeing people from my past life, my past church life from my hometown. Each time it was a bitter-sweet realization, as I felt I had traveled zillions of miles from where I was, when we were in fellowship. While they stayed seemingly in the same jobs, with the same spouse, in the same house, shackled to the same church, devoted to the same questionless faith, and blinded with the same innocence from my point of view. Don't get me wrong here, I am sure they faced many trials during the past seven tenths of a decade.
We were friends for most of ten years in that church, and I could remember the husbands name right off. The wife and kids names were faded in my memory banks, although the faces were clear connections to the father of the family. Every time I spotted them in the crowds and called casually out to say hello, I felt weird vibes. I am not sure if it was my guilt or theirs that caused the rift. Was it the gossip of my divorce that circled the clicks? Was it my bitterness for feeling dumped by them? I am pondering it deeply now in retrospect. Have I changed that much? Has the world changed? Does the Bible mean something different now that I have argued with God and lost?
I wanted so badly to tell God to get off my hill, when suffering loss after loss, while trying to abide by his word. I even had a time where I wished the Devil would offer me some shiny trinket for my ever loving soul. He never came calling like the Charlie Daniels song...He must have filled his quota I guess. One thing I know without a doubt now is that God is a persistent chap, as my across the pond brothers might say.
As I had my casual visits with the ex-church crowd, I secretly wondered if these men had ever taken their faith out for a test ride like I did. Did they ever push it to the very limits to see if it would break or fail? Had they ever felt so hopeless and alone they offered a deal to the dark side for earthly relief? I guess I can't even offer an answer as it is their relationship with God and not mine.
Perhaps I did not remember the wife's name, because I did not want to get close to them emotionally. My own marriage was so loveless at the time, I could have fallen into one of their beds in my desire for passion. Who the hell knows? I do know one thing it is good to have passion and natural desire. It is the thrill of living! It is awesome to have that need filled by a loving passionate wife. I don't have to fear my own motives when I ask a woman how she is doing in this world. I listen differently from traveled perspective now. I am not so sure these men I knew and re-met have that same security, so I won't be introducing them to my wife. It seems to be a common problem with churchy folks, this secret wife swapping crap. Hell at least with the un-churched sinners you can size them up and move along with some honesty. I mean if some swinger wants to play, at least you can politely say no to the straight out question, and you both can move on. Unlike them stopping by with the bible in their hand and a fire in their pants while you are at work.
I can't spend my time brow beating myself in church. It sizzles the passion right out of me and makes matters worse.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Thankful Day
(update: Photo from that day of me and my wife)Happy Thanksgiving Day! I am glad to have a day put aside just for the giving of thanks. I am thankful to have a place to log my life and times. It is truly a good day to be alive.
I know I seem thankless much of the time here, but this is my place to put it and entertain myself and make friends. I won't say I am sorry for being how I am at all today as I am humbly thankful.
I am thankful to have my blogging friends. People who care and offer prayers, advise, help or just read how my life is progressing and think of me and mine. There is an added value of having distance with this type of friendship and not getting involved any deeper than we need or want. It is grass roots counseling if there is such a thing, and perhaps there is now that I have said it. Most times with family, friends or lovers you are too close to them to offer or receive objective help. I think this type of sharing is the start of a Utopian understanding of each other that crosses oceans, race, orientation and economics.
To see the world from behind another man's eyes can never make matters worse.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Such a long long time to be gone and a short time to be there
I don't know if you have been following Atomic Tumor and his beloved wife a.k.a. "Golden Apple Corp." who fell ill on Halloween and died yesterday, but If you need to water your eyes with good old natural tears just read his post starting at the start of November until current. She was only 29 years old and fell sick with a flu like fever perhaps brought on by a tooth infection and had a shut down of all body functions. Throughout the past two weeks and a few days his post have covered every human emotion, faith question and duty of a Dad and worried Husband.
Grief always brings this song to my mind to conjure hope by Phil Lesh and Robert Hunter called "Box of Rain"
Look out of any window
any morning, any evening, any day
Maybe the sun is shining
birds are winging or
rain is falling from a heavy sky -
What do you want me to do,
to do for you to see you through?
this is all a dream we dreamed
one afternoon long ago
Walk out of any doorway
feel your way, feel your way
like the day before
Maybe you'll find direction
around some corner
where it's been waiting to meet you -
What do you want me to do,
to watch for you while you're sleeping?
Well please don't be surprised
when you find me dreaming too
Look into any eyes
you find by you, you can see
clear through to another day
I know it's been seen before
through other eyes on other days
while going home --
What do you want me to do,
to do for you to see you through?
It's all a dream we dreamed
one afternoon long ago
Walk into splintered sunlight
Inch your way through dead dreams
to another land
Maybe you're tired and broken
Your tongue is twisted
with words half spoken
and thoughts unclear
What do you want me to do
to do for you to see you through
A a box of rain will ease the pain
and love will see you through
Just a box of rain -
wind and water -
Believe it if you need it,
if you don't just pass it on
Sun and shower -
Wind and rain -
in and out the window
like a moth before a flame
It's just a box of rain
I don't know who put it there
Believe it if you need it
or leave it if you dare
But it's just a box of rain
or a ribbon for your hair
Such a long long time to be gone
and a short time to be there
any morning, any evening, any day
Maybe the sun is shining
birds are winging or
rain is falling from a heavy sky -
What do you want me to do,
to do for you to see you through?
this is all a dream we dreamed
one afternoon long ago
Walk out of any doorway
feel your way, feel your way
like the day before
Maybe you'll find direction
around some corner
where it's been waiting to meet you -
What do you want me to do,
to watch for you while you're sleeping?
Well please don't be surprised
when you find me dreaming too
Look into any eyes
you find by you, you can see
clear through to another day
I know it's been seen before
through other eyes on other days
while going home --
What do you want me to do,
to do for you to see you through?
It's all a dream we dreamed
one afternoon long ago
Walk into splintered sunlight
Inch your way through dead dreams
to another land
Maybe you're tired and broken
Your tongue is twisted
with words half spoken
and thoughts unclear
What do you want me to do
to do for you to see you through
A a box of rain will ease the pain
and love will see you through
Just a box of rain -
wind and water -
Believe it if you need it,
if you don't just pass it on
Sun and shower -
Wind and rain -
in and out the window
like a moth before a flame
It's just a box of rain
I don't know who put it there
Believe it if you need it
or leave it if you dare
But it's just a box of rain
or a ribbon for your hair
Such a long long time to be gone
and a short time to be there
Use caution about sitting directly over your keypad as you read because all that salt water will make matters worse on your machine.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Relationships
I need to rebuild something.
The ground where it sat is clear.
It is not the bricks fault they keep falling over.
The footer never holds.
It is not the earth's fault.
It has set fallow for seven years.
That is plenty of time.
It orbits in the cleansing sun and rain.
Under gravity's grip it should be firm now.
It is not at all firm enough to hold.
The builders are the best, doing all they can.
The experts agree it has to be built here.
None see reason it can't.
Is it a riddle to thrive on this ground?
What are the deepest problems?
Let us get them fixed to hold our stand of bricks.
The underment may be a vast underground eroding river.
Conduits can hold for the time we need the structure.
Resolutely we are building something here.
I strive to not make matters worse. I know this is my only point to control in rebuilding.
The ground where it sat is clear.
It is not the bricks fault they keep falling over.
The footer never holds.
It is not the earth's fault.
It has set fallow for seven years.
That is plenty of time.
It orbits in the cleansing sun and rain.
Under gravity's grip it should be firm now.
It is not at all firm enough to hold.
The builders are the best, doing all they can.
The experts agree it has to be built here.
None see reason it can't.
Is it a riddle to thrive on this ground?
What are the deepest problems?
Let us get them fixed to hold our stand of bricks.
The underment may be a vast underground eroding river.
Conduits can hold for the time we need the structure.
Resolutely we are building something here.
I strive to not make matters worse. I know this is my only point to control in rebuilding.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
You smell like Shiite, Take a Baath, Do it Sunni!
Very tired of the on going never ending war in Iraq I had to write that title down somewhere, use it if you want.
Tossing coins in a wishing well has always given me more results than casting a ballot, but I do it faithfully.
I am hopeful about the elections changing things and not making matters worse.
Tossing coins in a wishing well has always given me more results than casting a ballot, but I do it faithfully.
I am hopeful about the elections changing things and not making matters worse.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Jed YouTube hits
What a beautiful soul this man hasDats sum potent mojo! It was free! Now I don't know if matters will be worse...yet.
Friday, November 03, 2006
Note to self (and anyone else)
If ever I become a spritual leader of thousands of little sheeple, I must remember to never buy meth from my gay prostitute friend who gives a really nice back rub.
I think that would make matters worse.
