Saturday, May 21, 2011
New Look for a New Life
Trying a new look to hopefully not make matters worse.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Observation #: 1,000,001aka turning point
As I look back at all the devastation I can clearly see the power play and war of wills that went on. I hope we both feel peace soon.
I had a conversation with a friend last night... a great conversation that helped me a lot. A conversation that gave "big picture oversight" to my situation. We spoke about vows, the ones you take in a marriage, the ones you should keep, but forget in your struggle to get what you need to survive. The details set aside are null and unimportant in this line of thought.
LOVE / HONOR / CHERISH
I was not cherishing her enough in her eyes, and she was not honoring me enough in my eyes, but the love was still there. The love is what made us crazy with the other two in terrible imbalance. The troublesome unforgivable acting out on both sides ended the marriage vows and it came from both sides progressively worsening until we reached some invisible point of no return. I regret not being able to see that pivotal point as much as she does.
Now we are in another war of wills, playing the court system game. A further and important point in our "big picture" conversation that sets aside the null details was the conclusion that trying to steal peace from someone never gives you any peace at all. And with that in mind, remembering that time is linear and unidirectional and any time spent being unhappy is time you will never get back.
Enough said for now. Wish me luck as I try to not make matters worse. There has been enough effort on both our sides to make matters worse and end the love part of that vow lately... it lays in three neatly broken pieces and we move on.
I had a conversation with a friend last night... a great conversation that helped me a lot. A conversation that gave "big picture oversight" to my situation. We spoke about vows, the ones you take in a marriage, the ones you should keep, but forget in your struggle to get what you need to survive. The details set aside are null and unimportant in this line of thought.
LOVE / HONOR / CHERISH
I was not cherishing her enough in her eyes, and she was not honoring me enough in my eyes, but the love was still there. The love is what made us crazy with the other two in terrible imbalance. The troublesome unforgivable acting out on both sides ended the marriage vows and it came from both sides progressively worsening until we reached some invisible point of no return. I regret not being able to see that pivotal point as much as she does.
Now we are in another war of wills, playing the court system game. A further and important point in our "big picture" conversation that sets aside the null details was the conclusion that trying to steal peace from someone never gives you any peace at all. And with that in mind, remembering that time is linear and unidirectional and any time spent being unhappy is time you will never get back.
Enough said for now. Wish me luck as I try to not make matters worse. There has been enough effort on both our sides to make matters worse and end the love part of that vow lately... it lays in three neatly broken pieces and we move on.
Thursday, May 05, 2011
I guess I'll just go away
I guess it will be easier on the majority if I just go away. I was one of the couples in that scene... now I can't seem to find my place in it anymore since she coupled with someone else in that same scene.
